


Roadtrip

by Fictropes



Series: 25 fics advent [12]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: ACTUALLY complete this time no more sequels, Craigslist, M/M, Non-youtuber Dan, Oh no there’s one bed, Strangers to Lovers, roadtrip time, youtuber Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:13:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27966632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: “Exactly. I am right, as always.”“As always.” Dan agrees.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: 25 fics advent [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022262
Comments: 59
Kudos: 169





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> wow a fic more than 901 words a miracle. thanku amy for the prompt (this ao3 is just becoming i do what amy tells me to) and to keelin for, as always, fixing my many mistakes<3

“Why Scotland?”

“Dunno, thought I could do with some hilly air in me.” There’s a pause, then a follow up. “They have hills, right?”

“Pretty sure they have hills, yeah.” Dan laughs, a soft thing that fits within the confines of this stranger’s car. “Definitely some mountains, too.”

“Ermm—“ Phil frowns, takes his eyes off the road for a second and nearly lands them in a tree. “I think hills is a good start, probably can’t climb a whole mountain in skinny jeans and vans.” 

“Probably not.” Dan agrees, presses his elbow up against the window so he can lean against his hand, stare out of the window— stop staring at this guy he barely knows. “Once I walked up this big fuck off mountain in America and I split my jeans, had to tie my coat around my waist even though it was freezing.” 

“Nooooo.” Phil gasps, and he once again nearly lands them in a tree. Dan’s friends had all said agreeing to random road trips with random people on craigslist would get him killed— they meant it in more of a murder way, not a car crash way. “Don’t expose yourself to all the hikers.” 

“Mate, no offence, but have you actually passed your test?” Dan’s getting a bit nervous now, as much as he talks about craving death—and shit— he doesn’t actually want today to be his last day on earth. “You just nearly crashed twice in the space of about three minutes.”

“Yes.” He sounds unsure. 

“Yes?”

“Yes!” More certain this time. “Yes, i’ve passed, but i’ve never really gone anywhere but the big tesco.” 

“And how far is the big tesco?”

“About ten minutes away.” 

Ten minutes. This guy has driven ten minutes a handful of times, and Dan’s just committed to a sixteen hour round trip to Scotland and back. He grips the door-handle a little tighter than before, prepares to be flung out the front window and into the middle of the motorway— maybe his friends were right. 

“You know— fuck, whatever, i’m prepared for death. Just try to crash into a river so we can see some fish before, you know? A tree doesn’t sound as nice.” Dan’s being dramatic. Probably. Maybe not. 

“I’m not going to—ugh, why do people always assume i’m strapping them into the murder mobile?” Phil whines,and if his feet weren’t already in use, Dan’s sure he'd be using them to give a sullen little kick. “I can drive, they gave me the card to say so.”

“Was your instructor asleep?”

“No… but he had just won the lottery, so.”

“Oh, god.” Dan groans, thunks his head against the window because maybe that’ll be a quicker death. “You were probably his last ever student, he thought i’m a millionaire now, I can unleash chaos onto the roads and—curb!”

“I meant to do that.” Phil recovers quick enough, manages to drive in a straight line for a record two minutes. “i’m just like, getting the hang of it. We’ll be fine.”

“Ok, well, you could’ve got the hang of it in an empty field, you know? Not on a busy main road.” And despite it all Dan doesn’t want to get out of the car, content to sit and fear for his life as long as it means not being alone. “At my funeral I want my body to shoot out the bottom of one of those curly slides and just flop down onto the middle of the church floor.” 

“I’m not going to kill you!” Phil sounds very insistent for someone who just nearly drove through a red light. “Also, that’s cool. Do you want the floor to be a ballpit?”

  
  
Dan laughs, loosens his grip on both the door-handle and reality. “I didn’t before, but I really fucking do now.” 

-

“I like this.” Dan flicks at the rainbow car-freshener Phil has hung up on his mirror, watches it swing back and forth. 

“Oh!” Phil grins, and this time he _doesn’t_ turn to look at Dan—they’ve established eyes on the road at all times. “Thanks. I was like mum i’m gay and she said oh, right, so that means everything in your life has to be rainbow, right? And now everything in my life is… you know”

  
  
Dan smiles, nearly says something depressing, but bites his tongue— it’s not that his family doesn't accept him, just not eager to fill his life with rainbows. “You’re gay?”

  
  
“Yes.” Phil answers carefully, in the way that you do when you’re not sure— in the way that Dan wishes didn’t have to exist. “That’s—“

“Ok.” Dan finishes, because he can’t help it, wants to give instant clarification just to wipe the weird look off Phil’s face. “Erm—“ He’s going to do it, give it up just to see what it feels like, “Same. Also gay.” 

It feels… nice, honestly. And maybe it’s something he can’t do all the time, with everyone, maybe it’s something he can only do when he’s guaranteed safety—but that’s fine, he thinks, that’s something, something more than he’d ever been able to do before. 

“Oh!” Phil’s face changes— brightens. “Two bros chillin.. er, forgot. We’re gay!” 

“Yeah.” Dan laughs, and this time the car can’t contain it— this time it’s big and happy and _new._ “So if you crash us into a tree that means you’re probably homophobic.” 

“Nooo, it’s actually heterophobic cos of the connotations.” 

“Yeah?” Dan asks, no idea where this is going— still has a feeling he’s going to love it. “What are the connotations.” 

“Well.” Phil starts, giving Dan a sneaky side-eye. “Straight people hate the… environment.” 

“Mhm.”

  
  
“So if I crash into a tree and, like, it falls over into the road then they will no longer be able to drive on the road.” 

“Right?”

  
  
“So they will have to… walk?” Phil asks himself— definitely himself. “And walking is good for the environment, so, they will just absolutely hate that.”

Dan wants to jostle into him, to grab him, to do— just anything. But he can’t. Can’t because Phil is driving and is dangerous at the best of times. Instead he settles on a gentle knock of elbows whilst they’re sat a red light. “Did you know you’re ridiculous?” It sounds fond, and it’s the whole dramatic realisation of knowing you’re a bit fucked. 

“A bit, but you like it.” Phil answers, so sure of it, that Dan thinks maybe Phil is feeling a bit fucked, too. 

“Maybe.” Dan shrugs, tries to act coy but the smile on his face is too much of a giveaway. “You know this takes eight hours, yeah?”

  
  
“I ‘fink… I have a shortcut.” 

“No.” Dan doesn’t even pause to think, just knows that’s bad and not happening. “You can not have a shortcut, cos i’m not letting you have a shortcut.” 

-

They take the shortcut, end up on some dodgy narrow country lanes. 

“This was a fucking awful idea.”

“It was good!” Phil protests, but it’s getting darker outside and he’s looking vaguely afraid of what might jump out of the bushes surrounding them. “See!” He gestures towards the little screen there, about to be, only source of light. “The sat-nav cut a whole hour out of our journey.” 

“Yeah and it’s gonna add five years on when we get kidnapped by a monster who lives in the trees.” And it _was_ a joke, but now he’s sort of terrified himself. They’re probably gonna be on the local news, two gay dudes eaten by the Great Tree Monster of… wherever they are. “Remember my slide wish, please.” 

“I’ll protect you don’t worry.” And Phil reaches out, squeezes Dan’s knee and— fuck, he’s leaving it there. It’s nothing, really, apart from it’s suddenly everything. Setting off little alarm bells in Dan’s brain— _he’s flirting, he’s flirting, he’s trying to make his move._

“You have boyfriend?” Dan asks, only realises once it’s out that he missed a couple of words— said it too loudly—general idiotic vibes of a touch-starved man. 

“No…” Phil removes his hand, places it back on the steering wheel. “You?” 

He wants to put it back, tell Phil the hand was nice, he’s just a bit of a weirdo who can’t translate his own want into words. “Nope.” 

“Cool.” 

“Yeah, it’s so cool that we’re both totally alone.” Dan snorts. “I mean, I'm at peace with it.” 

“I’m not— I have a fish, he’s a cool scaly dude. We live together.”

“Are you fucking him?”  


“No!” Phil sounds absolutely scandalised, almost drives them off road and into a random field with a singular horse in it. Dan thinks it’s a bit weird, that there should be other horses about—is a single horse a bad omen? “Shutup, you’re awful. I’m going to make you get out and live with that tall man thing over there.” 

“The tall man thing— the horse? Do you mean the fucking horse, Phil?”

  
  
“I dunno.” Phil shrugs. “Maybe. One of my contacts is not in properly.” 

“Phil!” Dan screeches. “Stop right now and sort out your eyeballs.” 

-

“I dunno, like my job is fine and all, but it’s not the big dream.” Dan’s snuggled down in the passenger seat, got Phil’s jacket off the back seat and covered himself up with it. He feels at ease here—on the verge of _something_ , he thinks he has an idea of what. “I was a proper theatre kid, always thought I could outperform everyone.”

Phil’s gotten better at this whole driving thing, stopped nearly ramming them into trees, stopped catching on the edge of curbs—stopped giving Dan heart-attacks. It might be because they’re on a motorway and none of those things exist here, but Dan remains hopeful. 

“No offence, but you do give off theatre kid vibes.” Phil’s hand is back on Dan’s knee, rubbing small comforting circles into his skin—just through the gap of the rip in his jeans. “Isn’t the erm— courthouse a stage? All the stages are a stage.”

“What?” 

“The thing.”

  
  
“All the world’s a stage?”

“No.” Phil frowns. “That doesn’t sound right.” 

“It’s definitely right.” Dan laughs, soft and rumbly— like a goddamn cat, honestly. “But you’re also right when you say all stages are a stage cos… yeah.”

“Exactly. I am right, as always.” 

“As always.” Dan agrees. “I’m not actually upfront, I just do paperwork shit. It’s just… fine. Pays the bills, I guess.” 

“Your face is totally designed for the screen.” 

“That a compliment?” 

“Ugh.” Phil sighs, sounds proper put out by this entire conversation. “You know you have a nice face, am not sitting here giving you compliments for the next three hours of— oh! We only have three more hours left, i’m well good at driving.” 

Dan glosses over the less important parts, zooms in—laser focused—on the fact Phil just called him pretty. He’s been called more in the past, been given more to go on in the past, but for some reason it feels more genuine coming from him. Not a few cleverly put together words to get him to go home, not a strung out apology filled with fake compliments when he’s once again been fucked over. 

“Good face, huh?”

Phil does break the rule this time, looks over with perfectly controlled raise of the eyebrow. “I let off like seven party poppers in my mind when you told me you were gay.” 

Dan drags Phil’s jacket up just so he can hide his smile in the hood. “Maybe I agreed to this trip to murder you.”

“I think i’m already dead, sat next to this absolute angel.”

“Nooo.” Dan groans, but his dimples are out beneath the jacket—betraying him. “That was awful.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks, digs his thumb in a little bit harder than before, great big smirk on his face as he stares out at the road. “You hate it, did you?”

“Mhm.” Dan wriggles, tries to get over the feeling of Phil’s skin against his own. “Hated it. You work in the bad pick up line industry?”

“Na.” The touch softens again, back to something that Dan doesn’t quite know how to cope with—there because it wants to be, not because it has _intention._ “Work in your mum.”

“In my mum? Inside of her?”

“No, god, shutup. You know what I do.” Dan does, for some reason it was listed in the add— _video blogger._ “Gotta get some mountain views, you know?”

“Ohhhh, so that’s what this is for? Video footage to prove you actually ever go outside.” 

“It’s actually— right, so, I’ve been sponsored to climb this hill for charity.” 

“Oh! Cute.” That part hadn't been in the ad, Dan doesn’t understand why, would’ve made it way less suspicious. “Why’d you not say before?”

  
  
“Er—cos. I have to do in a cheese costume?”

  
  
“Wot?” Dan perks up then, nearly smacks his head on the car roof with the force of how quickly he sat. “What? Cheese? Are we actually dead In a ditch somewhere?” 

“Yes, maybe, yes. I thought putting please someone film me walking up a hill in a cheese outfit with no pants on would make it way more suspicious.” 

“I have to film it?!” That part definitely hadn’t been included, and now Dan has to live with the knowledge he’s about to see a lot of leg— maybe a lot of something else if it’s a windy day. He’s just—fuck, properly Dan’s type. He’d had a bit of moment upon first seeing him, now times that moment by ten and that’s where his head is currently at. 

“You may have to film it, if that’s ok. I thought I could do it myself, and— like. I really did just need someone to come with me in the car due to the whole only gone to tesco thing.” Phil’s rambling on, squeezing Dan’s knee out of nervousness. “But then I thought a bit ago I can’t really film myself walking, and you seem… good? A good person, yeah, who might help? Please?”

Dan wants to put on a show, act like he’s against it— or whatever— but he doesn’t have the heart, six hours into knowing Phil and he already can’t say no to that face. “Fine, but you gotta give me director credits.” 

“Obviously.” 

“You can’t walk up it when you get there, you know that, right? It’s nearly pitch black.” He can imagine it now, Phil goes up the hill and comes down the quick and painful way.

“Obviously.” He repeats, just with more of a _tone._

“I don’t trust you, you were driving with a contact lens in the back of your fucking eyeball.”

“I’m not going to walk up a big hill in the dark.” Phil promises. “I was thinking… hotel?”

Dan smirks, tries to hide it behind his hand but Phil is looking at him again when he shouldn't’ be— definitely caught it. “You gonna one bed me, Lester?”

“No.” Phil says, but then, “unless like—if we get there and there’s only one room available with one bed… I won’t complain.”

Dan places a hand over the top of Phil’s where it still lays on his knee. “I’m cool as long as it’s a double bed.” 

And all his friends thought he was going to get murdered, but sat next to this guy with one hand on the steering wheel, tapping along to the rhythm of a muse song, he thinks he might just get out of this alive.

“Phil.”

  
  
“Ya?”

“What’s the name of this hill?”

“Ben… something.

“Ben? Ben Nevis?”

“Yeah! That’s the one.”

“Phil, that’s the biggest fucking mountain in the whole of Britain.” 


	2. Hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a joke, but there really is just one bed left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty to keelin for the fixxy fic, ty to amy for the prompt!
> 
> ok everyone.... here is the sequel... thankyou all for being so nice about the first part! :)

It was a joke, but there really is just one bed left. 

“At least it’s a double.” 

“Mhm.”

They’d gotten here alive, eventually. After Phil’s second shortcut of the day—turned out to be a dead-end, but they did get some pretty photos of swans in a lake. Phil kept his hand on Dan’s leg the whole damn time. 

“Did I accidentally write us into a fanfic?” Phil asks, fingers skating over the silky sheets— because of course they’re silky. It’s not only the one bed left in, apparently, the whole of Scotland, it’s also a bed in a honeymoon suite. “Feel like i’m going to slide off these.”

“Oh?” Dan asks, raises an eyebrow when Phil turns to look at him. “What have you got planned for all this… sliding?” 

“Nothing, shutup, you’re evil.” Phil turns a pretty shade of pink, though, turns around so Dan will stop staring at him. Dan just walks around the other side of the bed, stares some more. He’s… very easy to look at, very easy to wind up, very pretty. “Stop it!” 

“Stop what?” 

“Having eyes.” 

“Oh, sorry.” Dan laughs, flops face first onto the bed because someone had to be the first. “You know I didn’t think this far ahead, i’ve not got any pyjamas.” 

“Well, I mean, that’s fine.” Phil gingerly sits down on the edge, hand floating in midair until he eventually, eventually decides on letting it settle down on Dan’s shoulder. “Oh, your jumper is really soft.”

Dan just feels _heat,_ almost like he doesn’t have a jumper on at all— Phil’s hand pressed up againstbare skin. He doesn’t know what is going to happen tonight, but he knows what he’d like to happen. “You’re good with me sleeping in just my underwear?” He asks, face pressed against silk—heart slamming up against his ribcage.

“I am… yes. As long as you don’t kick in your sleep.”

“I don’t think having pants on would, like, stop the kicking.” Dan wants to roll over, to stare up at Phil, but that would mean losing the hand on his shoulder. “Did you bring pyjamas?”

“No, I forgot eight hours would mean nighttime. I was just gonna climb the mountain, and get back in my car.” The hand is moving higher up, playing with the little curl at the nape of Dan’s neck. It’s a touch that’s both comforting and maybe the start of _something_ , if they want to take it there. “I like this.”

“My hair?” Dan doesn’t roll over, just turns his head so he can peek out at Phil. “Grew it myself.”

“I thought you’d just stuck clumps of street hair onto your head.” 

“Street hair?”

“Yeah… like, you know? Hair you find in the street?”

“Oh.” Dan blinks, wonders if this is actually a moment at all—maybe just the world’s weirdest insult. “Thanks?”

“It’s nice hair!” Phil clarifies.

“Phil.”

  
  
“Yes?”

  
  
“Shutup.”

Phil smiles, buries his hand properly in Dan’s curls— tugs just slightly. “Gonna make me?”

“God.” Dan groans. “You’re literally writing us into your own self-insert fanfic.” 

“Little bit, Dan, always wondered what it’d be like to sleep with an angel.” 

“Illegal. Stop saying things.” But maybe the hand in Dan’s hair is doing it for him, maybe how goddamn kissable Phil has looked all day is doing it for him, too. “If you didn’t bring pyjamas, then you definitely didn’t bring condoms and lube… did you?”

“I didn’t mean—god. I was like, I wasn’t actually suggesting we fuck.”

“Well.” Dan smirks, brushing his fingers against Phil’s other hand where it lay on the sheets. “I think I was.” 

“You’re gonna be the death of me, huh?” Phil looks happy about it though, all soft in the glow of the lamp. “And to answer your question, no. No secret condom in my pocket.”

Dan rolls over. 

“Things we could do without them.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks, tongue coming out to wet his lips, hand coming back to touch Dan wherever it can. “I promise I didn’t post this on craigslist with the intention of, like, filthy hotel room sex.”

“Filthy?” Dan grins, catches Phil’s hand just because— so he can hold, compare, kiss his palm. He feels oddly confident tonight, invested in whatever this is— invested how Phil is looking at him. It’s different to all the other hook ups he’s had, can already see this not having an end date. Picturing them in coffee shops in the middle of London, holding hands on snowy streets, having filthy sex in a bedroom they actually own. 

“Yeah.” Phil hums, goes a bit cross eyed as he watches Dan’s mouth— hot in a disarmingly cute sort of way. “How are you even— you’re so pretty, Dan.” 

The rosy patch on Dan’s jaw comes out to play and Phil’s fingers are immediately drawn to it, thumb catching on all the red. “No, not my praise kink.” He laughs, leaning into Phil’s touch. 

“Could talk about your face all day, if you want.” Phil’s cupping his jaw now, thumb stroking over his cheek in a way that’s so achingly tender that Dan could cry if he wasn’t so fucking turned on. “When you got into my car I think my heart did a little flip.” 

“When I got into your car I thought, yeah, he can murder me if he wants.”

“Dan!” Phil’s giggling, though, leaning in but still not giving Dan what he actually wants. “Don’t get into cars with strange men if you think they’re gonna murder you.”

“What if I think they’re really hot?”

  
  
“Well.” Phil starts, butts their heads together—close enough to kiss, but still too far away. “You can get into my car, but that’s it.”

“Are you gonna make me be the one to kiss you?”

“Yeah.” 

“Wot if I don’t?”  


“Then we both have sore neck from this weird position.” 

Dan rolls his eyes, big and exaggerated, so Phil knows just how much pain this is causing him. “Watch out, Dan’s big mouth incoming.” 

Phil kisses with his entire fucking body, a heavy weight on top of Dan’s own. There are hands beneath him jumper, there’s tongue and teeth and he’s not shy about any of it. Doesn’t hesitate to give Dan everything, to take him apart without even having touched him. 

He thinks he’s probably fucked, a lot fucked, that if Phil decides this is a one time thing he’ll be properly upset about it. 

The way Phil is holding him doesn’t scream one night, the way he’s all eager desperation, the way he’s trying his best to crawl beneath Dan’s fucking skin and make himself a home there, doesn’t say this is just for tonight. 

His lips are tingling by the time Phil pulls away, because he’s the one to end it— Dan physically can’t cut himself off from this. 

“Oh no.” 

“What?” 

“Think i’m gonna have to follow you home, like your mouth.” Phil grins, swoops back in for another kiss that takes Dan’s breath away. He knows what he’s doing, dangerous in how well he’s taking Dan to pieces. He _bites_ , and Dan can’t say he’s ever liked that before but, now it’s his favourite fucking thing in the world. 

It goes on for too long, or not long enough, Dan can’t decide. Just know he can barely speak when it’s over, when Phil pulls away and looks down at him all starry-eyed. It’s mutual, has to be, no one looks at someone like that unless— unless you felt _something._

“Hmppf.” Dan wriggles, nearly breaks his neck in the effort he’s putting into trying to get Phil to come back. “Get back here.” 

“Dan.” His voice is different—lower, raspier—goes straight to Dan’s dick. “If I come back then i’m gonna wanna do more than just kiss you.” 

“I can run along to the receptionist, ask if they’ve got any free condoms for two desperate men.” Dan teases, but honestly a part of him means it. “I meant it when I said there was other things we could do.” 

Phil is hovering over him, arms bracketing his head, it’s hot in a way Dan doesn’t understand—never liked feeling trapped before, but suddenly his brain wants nothing more than to stay right here. Phil just looks like everything Dan has ever wanted.

“Yeah?” Phil tips his head, bites down on his bottom lips—drives Dan a bit insane. “Like what?”

-

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

Dan thinks he’s made for this—for fingers in his hair, for being on his knees, for Phil’s cock in his mouth. 

It wasn’t supposed to go like this, Dan had suggested hands—suggested until he’d _seen._

Phil had tried to act all humble and stupid about it, blushed when Dan dropped down beside the bed and said _please._ But he’d let it happen, spread his legs and let Dan use his mouth.

Dan is so fucking eager to please, wants to pull out every noise, every stuttered attempt at begging he can. When he uses a hint of teeth Phil whines, drops the polite acts and fucks up into Dan’s mouth. Dan could actually weep, has to press a hand against his dick to stop himself from coming in his pants. 

There’s something about Phil using him, about Phil stopping to check he’s alright before he continues, that properly gets to Dan. Hits all his buttons at once. He wants to put on a show, but it’s hard when Phil is the show, hard when all Dan can think about is Phil’s cock and how it’s down his throat. 

He gags, tries not to, but he gags and his eyes water and Phil stops to make sure he’s alright. Cups his jaw and leans in to kiss him, tells him how good he is, how much Dan is making him feel. 

“I like it when you taste like me.”

“Fuck, Phil.” Dan is sure he looks a wreck, can feel the tears halfway down his cheeks, the puffiness of his lips—can hear his own heart. “Can you do something for me?”

“Yeah, course.” There’s a thumb on Dan’s bottom lip, tugging, pulling—giving him ideas. “Anything.”

“Want you to come on my face.” 

“Jesus.” Phil laughs, a broken noise of a thing, tips his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “You know i’m taking you home, yeah?”

“Well, hope so, you can’t abandon me in Scotland.” And Dan knows he didn’t mean it like that, but there’s something about being silly in amongst all the serious. 

Phil snorts, tips his head back forward and just— stares. Stares at Dan like _he_ means something. “Yeah, but, then i’m taking you back to my home.” 

“Spose you can do that.” Dan feels vulnerable, and not even because he’s down on his knees, dick hard and obvious in his black Calvin Kleins. “But first…” 

Phil wraps a hand around himself, doesn’t take his eyes off Dan as he fucks into the tight circle of his fingers. He’s not shying away from the performance, if anything Dan would say he’s enjoying all of the attention, the way Dan’s so clearly half way to fucked just from the sight of it. 

Dan rests his chin on Phil’s thigh, slips a hand down to cup his balls, to push him over the edge because all he wants is to hear the noises Phil makes, wants to know what Phil looks like when he loses it.

“You sure? Cos—fuck, i’m close, if you keep doing that i’m gonna…” Phil cuts himself off, let’s out a noise that Dan stores away for a lonely night. 

“You’re gonna?” Dan asks, all innocence and light like he hadn’t suggested this, like he doesn’t desperately want this man he met nine hours ago to come on him.

“Gonna ruin your street hair.” Phil smirks, properly proud of himself for managing a full sentence of pure cheek. Dan retaliates, does something with his fingers that makes Phil yelp. “Ouch! Did you just pinch my ball skin?”

“Yeah.” Dan smiles, but then he’s back to being nice, back to touches that make Phil whine. “You gonna come for me or what?”

Phil asks permission one last time, and it’s permission that Dan easily gives. Helps him out, places a hand over the top of Phil’s just so he can feel like he’s doing something—whines until Phil moves his own out of the way. 

“Dan—close your eyes.”

Dan does as he’s told, closes his eyes, sticks his tongue out because he wants to _taste._

“Fuck— m gonna.” He doesn’t even finish his sentence, barely a warning at all, before he’s coming. Covering Dan’s face in warmth, in the obviousness of his pleasure. Dan opens his eyes, makes sure Phil can see as he licks up what he can, stares up at him through eyelashes coated in white. 

“Gonna what?” Dan asks again, uses his thumb to wipe a streak off his cheek then does the obvious— sticks it in his mouth. 

“You are— I need to go, god, come here. Get up here, you—god.”Phil sounds a bit out of it, can’t stop staring at Dan’s face. “I want to take a photo, is that bad? Wanna remember this.”

  
  
“Don’t have to remember. You can do it again, always available for you to come on.” Dan waggles his eyebrows, Phil reaches out with curious fingers. Dan short circuits when Phil sticks it right into Dan’s mouth, watches as he sucks it clean. 

“What do you want?” Phil asks. 

“Just— put me in the shower? Do whatever you want with me.”

-

“Do you think you’ll actually be able to climb the mountain?” They’re in bed now, tucked beneath the silk, in pants that they’re going to have to turn inside out tomorrow because neither of them actually packed a thing—unless you count the sweets Phil has stowed away in the backseat of his car, and the cheese outfit

Phil had thoroughly taken Dan apart beneath the spray, clever fingers in places they shouldn’t be considering the whole no lube thing— but Dan had been greedy. 

“Dunno, maybe? It’s just like… going up, isn’t it?” Phil’s on his side, stroking Dan’s arm like he has been for the past half an hour. Dan’s still fixated on it, on Phil’s apparent urge to be constantly touching even though there’s not the promise of it leading to anything. He thinks he could get used to it, nights sat on the sofa with Phil being handsy, dinners at restaurants with Phil insisting on playing footsie beneath the table.

“It’s sort of like going up? But properly up up, using your leg muscles— arse muscles.”

“I got a really strong arse due to all the sitting.” Phil’s touching turns into a tug, Dan suddenly finds himself much closer than before. “And you can film from behind, see just how strong.”

“You have such weird pick up lines, you literally just came on my face, Phil, you don’t have to convince me of anything before.” Dan settles in for the night, does as Phil’s hinting at and spoons. 

“We really did that, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, we’re in the honeymoon suite, so, illegal not to.” Phil buries his face into Dan’s neck, a hint of teeth that have Dan elbowing him because if he starts that then round two will be imminent. A moan slips out, but then he rectifies that through complaints. “No, no, no. Can’t come in these pants, don’t have anymore.”

“I’ll make you some.”

“You’ll make me some?”

“Yeah, sure the hotel people will understand if I cut a hole in the curtains.” Phil is still— he’s biting now, sucking a mark into Dan’s neck and he can’t even— he’s enjoying it too much. 

“Shit.” 

“Mhm, shit, you’ve been caught by a vampire.”

Dan laughs, and he thinks he’s laughed more today than he has in ages. Being with Phil already feels… nice, it feels so fucking nice. It feels right, too. “You gonna turn me?”

“Yeah.” Phil finishes whatever he’s doing, let’s out this little satisfied noise as he admires his work. “Already said you’re coming home with me, would be rude of me to be the only immortal one.” 

“You done now?”

“Yeah.” Phil cuddles him a bit too tightly, but Dan doesn’t mind— being held like this is really soothing a part of him he hadn’t realised needed soothing. “You smell nice.”

“It’s the hotel conditioner you put in my arsehole.” 

“Shutup, I actually did not, that would be… like evil. Just a little bit on your penis.”

“Penis? Penis sounds gross, we’re a cock or dick only hotel room.”

Phil giggles into his neck, and it’s a noise Dan thinks he’s going to struggle living without—knows he’s going to be going home with Phil. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [if u wanna rebloggy on tumblr,i always appreciate it!](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/637070630504873984)
> 
> ok i retire from every trying to write smut lmao, i simply cannot do it . gbfvedwsqdwefgbh. sowwy bout this x
> 
> as always, lemme know ur thoughts ;_;


	3. Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck.” Phil sighs, and it’s unbelievable how much of an interest Dan’s brain takes in Phil saying that. “I don’t even like cheese.” 
> 
> “I still don’t understand why you insisted on putting it on to drive. You know you could’ve changed when we actually got there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK THIS IS ACTUALLY OVER NOW. 
> 
> ty to amy for the prompt, to keelin for beta'ing (and for one of the lines... hehe :). ) and to sierra 4 ... plasters.

“You really meant pantless, huh?”

Dan’s staring—a lot—because it’s a whole bunch of leg, a whole bunch of shoes, a whole bunch of why the fuck is he attracted to a man in a cheese costume. 

“Yes.” Phil does a little spin, then a little wiggle that does more for Dan than it should. He sort of wants a repeat of last night, to say fuck the mountain and fuck me instead. But it’s important—or something—that Phil do this, an arse out hike. 

They’d fallen asleep, eventually, but not before discussing every topic that popped into their tired, fucked out brains. It was comfortable in a way that barely made sense, to feel so at ease around someone you’ve only known for a day has to mean something—something special— something that should be kept hold of. 

Dan had bullied Phil into pulling up his youtube channel, and when Phil fell asleep first, Dan stayed up watching them. He gets it, this pull, this innate desire everyone seems to have to just watch him speak— because there’s a lot of them, fucking millions. 

“I love it with the shoes.”

“Thanks.” Phil smiles, does a little hop on the spot. “Do I look—“ He strikes a pose, something ridiculous with hands-on hips, something that makes Dan throw his head back and laugh. “Sexy?”

“You look like a walking nightmare for lactose intolerant people.” But he kisses him anyway, tries to convince him that staying here for a few more hours with all the silk would be really fun. And Phil nearly gives in, let’s Dan get as far as dry humping him on the sheets.

“You said I couldn’t ruin your pants last night, so you can’t ruin mine today.” Phil’s all cheek beneath him, a smirk visible from a fucking mile off. 

“Hmmpf.” Dan collapses against him, buries his face in Phil’s shoulder—traps him. “Comfortable.”

“You’re heavy.”

“Thanks.”

  
  
“Like it. God. I’m so gay. Get off me before I start being even more gay.” 

“I want that, though.” 

“Later. In the car.” 

“You gonna wank me off whilst you’re driving? No thanks, don’t want the crime scene investigators to find us in a fucking river mid hand job.” Dan snorts, gets Phil’s neck all wet before he gives in and rolls away. 

“I’m a good driver, I could get you to come and drive at the same time.” Phil protests, but Dan can’t take him seriously like this—sprawled out, wearing cheese, socks pulled up to mid-calf. “Why are you laughing?!”

“M not.” Dan slings his own forearm across his face, tries to hide all the stupid—all the fond. “Are you good with pissing in public?”

“Why?”

“Mountains probably don’t have public toilets.”

“Oh.” Phil frowns, sits up too quickly and complains for two minutes about being dizzy. “Wanna watch me piss?”

“I— no?”

“You started it.”

“Let’s do kink negation when we get back to London.” 

-

“Forgot you actually had to drive us to the mountain.” 

It’s weird seeing a man dressed how Phil is currently dressed driving a car, but Dan can’t complain cos he’s getting a really nice view of— he’s just obsessed with his thighs all of a sudden. 

“You can stop clinging onto the door handle, I drove us literally eight hours straight yesterday with like… only minor incidents.”

  
  
“There should be no incidents, Phil, zero.” Maybe he’s just being a bit dramatic, maybe it’s because Phil joins in with it—indulges him.

“If there had been zero then we never would’ve seen that cool horse in the field, so.”

  
  
“The horse you thought was a man?” 

“Did we, or did we not, pet a horse… or a man?” Phil’s voice is bossy, demanding an answer and it makes Dan nudge him with his elbow even though he really shouldn’t. 

“We pet a horse, yeah.” 

They’d gotten out, because Phil needed to sort out his eyeball and Dan needed to piss. Pissing on the side of a country lane with a horse in seeing distance was odd, not an experience Dan wants to relive, but an experience nonetheless. When Phil eventually realised it was actually a horse he got a bit nervous, all on edge and he _clung._ Grabbed onto Dan’s elbow and tried to drag him back to the car. 

Dan had other ideas, ideas which involved coaxing Phil further into the field—despite the no trespassers sign—making him touch some horse snout. It was a bonding experience and a half, watching him go from nervous trepidation to demands that Dan take a photo of them together. He’d name it Spaghetti, said the mane looked exactly like it. 

It’s a memory that’ll forever live on instagram— Phil and Spaghetti, the horse who might’ve actually been a man. 

“I think I can learn to live amongst horses.”

Dan thinks he can learn to live with Phil. 

It’s relatively quiet for the rest of the drive. They end with mutual leg holding. Phil’s fingers back beneath the rips, Dan’s on bare knee. 

“Does it look like it’s going to rain?”

“Bit, yeah.”

“Fuck.” Phil sighs, and it’s unbelievable how much of an interest Dan’s brain takes in Phil saying that. “I don’t even like cheese.” 

“I still don’t understand why you insisted on putting it on to drive. You know you could’ve changed when we actually got there.” But Dan isn’t complaining, rather he’s doing the opposite. Phil’s thigh beneath his palm feels like a blessing, a promise of maybe he’s finally going to have someone to hold—someone who wants to hold him in return. 

“So you can see my strip tease and wanna jump me right there? No, thanks. I know your game.” 

“Yeah.” Dan agrees. “My one fantasy has always been to fuck at the base of a busy mountain where hundreds of people go, how’d you know?”

“Hundreds?” Phil asks, turns towards him all wide eyed—swallows a little too loudly. “I thought—people don’t like walking? Do they?”

“People love walking.” 

“Oh.” 

“Were you hoping it’d be empty? Just me, you in your cheese costume, and god?” 

“No!” Phil answers. “But actually… yes. I thought—god. People are going to bully me.” 

“Little bit, but i’ve been bullying you all day… so.” 

“You can bully me after what you let me do last night.” Phil smirks as Dan chokes on nothing but air. 

-

“Oh, there really are lots of people.” It takes Phil a hot minute to even find somewhere to park, and when he finally gets one he ends up letting an old lady steal it from him— _she might not have legs!_

“Told you so.”

Phil squeezes his knee, in a mean way. 

“Ow!”

“Don’t be smug.”

Dan just— he leans across the gear stick and kisses Phil because it’s been a whole forty minutes without one. “Or what?”

“Or— erm. I will— i’ll get you.”

  
  
“Phil, you’ve got me.” 

He let’s out a stupid little noise, buries his face in his palms. “I like you so much.” It’s muffled, spoken quickly, but Dan hears it perfectly and it makes his heart feel full.

“Like you too, stupid, wouldn’t be walking up a massive fucking mountain for free with anyone else.”

“S’not free.” Phil drops his hands, let’s Dan see the massive fuck-off grin he’s wearing. “I’m paying you in my company.”

“I thought the payment was a finger in my dry arsehole.”

“Dan! Out. Get out the car before I fight you.”

Dan just laughs, steals a couple haribo from out the glove compartment—probably enough fuel to climb a whole goddamn mountain. “Oh! What are these? Are—hello kitty plasters? Cute.”

“It’s all the store had.”

“Well, that’s a lie.”

Phil huffs, frowns, goes on several face journeys before landing on something a little bit sheepish. “Fine. I just wanted the hello kitty plasters.”

“Obviously.” Dan’s just—he’s so goddamn charmed by the man sat beside him. Could sit here all day and just watch him, listen to him. “You ready?”

“As i’ll ever be, I suppose. Could you see my buttcheeks?”

“No? Your boxers cover them? Unless you chose to swap to a thong whilst I wasn’t looking.” And—hm, that’s honestly a thought… an idea. 

“I don’t think i’d like that? Like floss but for your hole? No thanks.” 

“God. Does your brain ever not— you’re fascinating.” Dan gets out first, thinks he has to because Phil looks pretty intent on staying put— just staring at the mountain rather than walking up it. “Come on.” He pats he legs. “Come on, get out the car, good boy.”

“You treating me like a dog is actually sexy so, ha.” 

“Damn, you really do wanna fuck at the bottom of this mountain.” 

-

“It’s—can we leave?”

“No.” Dan wraps a gentle hand around Phil’s elbow, guides him forwards until they’re actually on the mountain as opposed to just the exit of the carpark. “Hand over the camera, let me film those thighs.”

It’s really fucking big, bigger than Dan thought anything could be (well, apart from something he saw last night). His one off American hill hike is looking like child’s play now, and he wished that had actually been in the ad so he could’ve worn better shoes. He should’ve put the hello kitty plasters in his pocket, for the blisters. 

It’s busy, too, people all up and down the trail—looking at Phil, because of course they’re looking at Phil. He thinks people would be looking even if the cheese costume wasn’t a thing. 

“I literally feel evil, like the villain in a movie that everyone on this mountain wants to defeat.” He’s slightly in front, just so Dan can film— the view isn’t bad, either. “I wish I had like— the horse glasses thing.” 

“Blinders?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to look at anyone next to me.” 

Dan catches up, puts the camera down for a second just so he can be Mr Support. He doesn’t quite hold Phil’s hand, but it’s close enough. “You’re doing this for a good thing, everyone else can go fuck.”

Phil just whines, taps Dan’s palm with his fingers briefly because, he gets it— that Dan can’t commit to hand holding in front of all these people just yet. “I wanna tell them that this is for charity.”

“You don’t have to, they should mind their own business. If you wanna walk up a mountain dressed as cheese then how does that— it’s not a fucking crime.” Dan’s brave, for a second, squeezes Phil’s hand in his own. “You good.”

“Yeah—yeah.” Phil lets out a big sigh, get’s all determined with some big strides. “Thanks, Dan.” 

“S’fine.” Dan falls back, turns the camera on again. 

It’s interesting to watch Phil fall into this persona, become him but exaggerated—but also somehow _less._ The voice is brighter, but the words are safer. It throws Dan for a second, but then he gets all smug about being able to experience the Phil as opposed to the _AmazingPhil._

“That’s a snake!”

“It’s not a snake, Phil, it’s a piece of rope.”

“Oh.” He turns to the camera, pulls a face that seems designed purely for the camera. “This is Dan, by the way, my new cameraman. I’m paying him in the haribo’s I have stuffed away in my glovebox.”

Dan does _not_ turn the camera to his own face, but he does mutter out a little hello.

“He’s a robot!”

Dan rolls his eyes, films Phil’s big feet as he clumsily walks over a particularly rocky part of the path. He pans up, and he doesn’t mean to capture his calf muscles in such spectacular detail, but honestly he’s sure people will thank him. 

He rambles on for an incredible amount of time, never seems to run out of things to say. Dan’s happy to listen, to follow along with a smile—with an ever-growing fondness. He films a bit of the view, but the skyline isn’t as interesting as Phil. 

“I think— Dan, I think this takes like seven hours.”

“Yeah and we didn’t bring any food cos we’re idiots.” 

They hadn’t through this through at all, have a singular backpack with some water inside and a few random sweets Phil had tipped in.

“How long have we been climbing?”

“Er—“ Dan checks his phone, then checks it again because it must be lying to him. “Ninety minutes.”

“No!” Phil turns around too quickly, and there’s nothing to grab ahold of, nothing to stop his feet from losing purchase in the shoes that really aren’t equipped for this. 

Dan tries, moves quicker than he ever has in his entire life but he can’t quite manage it. Phil is over before he can get there, and Dan’s thankful this is a spot no one else seems to be in. 

“Shit, Phil, you good?” He abandons the camera, tosses it somewhere without thinking because he just needs to know Phil is fine. He’s— fine, technically speaking. Apart from there’s definitely blood, a definite knee injury, a definite Phil who looks about two seconds away from crying. “Right. Cool. This is over. Back to the car.”

“No, i’m-“ Phil tries to start, but Dan is having none of it—absolutely none.

“No, don’t even try to argue with me.” Dan sounds angry, but not at Phil just at— the situation. The people who are now walking by who laugh. “I will carry you down there on my shoulder if I have to.” 

“You don’t have to.” Phil sniffs, holds out a hand that Dan does take ahold of now. “I just think it’s grazed, nothing serious.”

  
  
Apart from it is serious because Phil can barely support his own weight, has to cling to Dan the entire way back down.

Phil tries to be funny, but Dan’s in a mood for no reason at all. He just wants to know Phil is ok, and he can’t do that until they’re off this stupid fucking mountain and back in the car. The car where Dan can at least attempt to patch him, use the stupid hello kitty plasters. 

“Dan?”

“Shit, sorry. I’m not— i’m not mad at you, just don’t like that you’re hurt.”

“I’m alright, promise.”

-

With Phil sat in the passenger seat Dan feels a lot better. He’s crouched down in front of him outside of the car, cleaning up the blood with his own jacket. “Sorry.”

“For what?” Phil asks, tangles his fingers in Dan’s hair just to force him to look up.

“Being moody when you were— you know, literally bleeding and in pain.” 

“You just wanted to get me back down safely, you were very… concentrate-y.” Phil smiles, hand ends up on Dan’s cheek, a thumb brushing just below his eye. “Thanks for caring about me.”

“Don’t— of course I care about you, I just wanted you to be fine and for everyone else to fuck off looking at you.” 

“I know. Also, did you leave my camera up there?”

Dan would’ve fallen over himself had he not already been at ground level, hadn’t even been thinking about the thing, more concerned with Phil and the fact he could’ve literally fallen off the edge if he’d gone the other way. 

“I’ll pay you, fuck, when we get back to London i’ll literally give you a pile of money.” Dan’s rambling, all pink-cheeked and apologetic. Not only had he left something expensive half way up a mountain, he’d also just made sure Phil had no video evidence of his climb.

“Dan.” Phil’s voice is so soft—so suddenly fond, the exact tone he’d n _eeded_ to hear— that Dan feels… caught out, almost. Known in a way that no one has ever known him before. “I don’t need you to give me any money.”

‘But I—“

“No.”

“Give me the plasters, dumbo.” 

It’s not enough, the graze is big and in an awkward place— needs more than just some pink cats to cover it—but it’ll have to do for now. Dan doesn’t even glance around before he leans in, presses a kiss right to Phil’s poor knee. 

“Cute.”

“Shutup.” Dan says, but he’s smiling so it’s not really all that effective. “I’m driving us back.”

“You’re not on my insurance, you’ll get arrested.”

“A risk i’m willing to take.” 

Phil pulls him up by the neck of his jumper, kisses right where his dimple is. “Alright, take me home.” 

-

Ermmmmmm, wanna go back to Scotland? PL

I leave u alone for one day and this is what u hatch up? Your knee has a literal scar on it. DH

I still need to prove I can climb a mountain! Not that 1 but you know.. a one. PL

You found a smaller one? DH

Yes ;3. PL

A…. furry one? DH

nO! it’s just a little boy. I agreed with my audience, after they saw the footage of the last disaster. PL

I still can’t believe someone dmed u about ur camera lmao. DH

perks of being famous? U get your abandoned mountain stuff back (and u get a bf along the way). PL

Famous. DH

Ok having a youtube channel. PL

Kidding u are very famous. DH

:). But Scotland? PL

Ok, but i’m driving. DH

We gonna take the shortcut and see that horsey again? :) <3 PL

You’re so obsessed with that horse m8. DH

Spaghetti and I bonded! :(. PL

We can see the horse. DH

Love you<3\. PL

Love you too but can you please remember to take my stuff out the washing machine like I asked?????? I am wearing a half wet shirt rn. DH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [if u wanna reblog on tumblr! I always appreciate it :) ](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/637337204472037376/mountain-complete-11-2951-total-word-count-for)
> 
> wahhhh i love my roadtrip boys? thanku all for being so nice about this ! it was very fun to write. also u can decide about the time gap between getting back from scotland and the texting...... did they start saying i love u after a week or a year....lmaooooo
> 
> as always lemme know your thoughts ;_;

**Author's Note:**

> [if u wanna reblog on tumblr i always appreciate it!](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/636983892578009088/roadtrip-complete-11-2615-exactly-i-am-right)
> 
> it really is the biggest mountain
> 
> as alwaaaays lemme know what u think ;_; love free serotonin in the form of comments


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